


Concrete Angel

by irjustineee



Category: Amazingphil & Danisnotonfire RPF, Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phan, Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Youtubers
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-10
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2017-12-08 03:02:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/756236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irjustineee/pseuds/irjustineee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan moves to Manchester with his Mum where he meets his neighbour and future best friend, Phil. Little does he know that Phil could be the one that changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moving

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic within the Phandom, let me know what you think!

“Daniel, we’re here.” I heard a soft voice speak.

“Huh?” I awoke from my sleep and rubbed my eyes. I felt so groggy.

“We’ve arrived at our new house! It’s so beautiful, don’t you think?” Mum’s face was full of joy.

Oh right, yeah, that.

I sighed. “It’s okay I guess.”

My Mum was so enthusiastic about moving, though I didn’t blame her. Our old home in Cardiff was full of bad memories for the both of us. I never liked the thought of moving because I’d sort of gotten to know Cardiff and made a few friends but now it’s back to square one.

“Cheer up sweetie, we can leave all the bad memories behind and start over.” She kissed my forehead and began to take boxes from the car to the front door.

Although I didn’t want to accept it, she was right. I needed to stop being so negative about the whole thing, maybe things would be a lot better here.

 

 

I’d unpacked most of my things by late evening. I took a longer look at my new room. It was bigger than my old room and it faced out of the front of the house. I liked the view from my window; the sky was a beautiful shade of orange. I loved watching the sunset, I’m not sure why I found it so intriguing, I just really enjoyed the sight of it. After gazing out the window for a while I turned back towards the last few boxes and sighed. I would unpack them tomorrow, for now I had the things I needed the most like my phone, my laptop and my camera. I logged into Twitter and checked my mentions. I replied to a few tweets then logged into Tumblr where I spent most the night on.

 

I woke up in the morning covered in sweat. The nightmare was over, thank fuck. I hated nightmares because they were always related to my day to day life and that’s what made them unforgettable. I quickly ran a shower then headed downstairs to see if Mum had unpacked any of the cereal boxes considering she prefers to eat toast. I spotted the box of Cookie Crisp on the bottom shelf of the cupboard and poured myself a bowl. The house was dead silent; there was no noise to be heard apart from the birds chirping every now and again.

“Mum?” I called up the stairs after finishing my cereal.

No answer. I walked up to her room to find the bed made and her presence absent. Maybe she’d gone to the shops or something, she’d be back soon.

 

I headed to my room and got changed into my favourite Muse t-shirt and my black skinnies. Skinnies were pretty much all I lived in, they were so comfy, although I must admit my joggers are the most comfy piece of clothing I’ve ever bought. I was about to blast my music out when all of a sudden I heard a stranger’s voice talking downstairs followed by my Mum’s. I opened the door slightly and attempted to eavesdrop on what the stranger was talking about.

“So you only just moved here yesterday?” the stranger had a polite, reserved tone.

“Yeah, I moved here with my son Daniel. He’s most likely in his bedroom. Daniel?” My Mum called.

“You have a son? Phil you should go up and say hi, introduce yourself.”

I heard a shuffle and moved back from the door, checked my room to see if it was decent enough for someone else to see and placed myself on my bed, looking up at the ceiling pretending to look as natural as possible.

I heard a slight knock on the door. “Yeah?”

“Hey, um…” I turned towards the door to see a skinny, black haired boy standing by the doorframe. I smiled.

“You’re Phil, right?”

He nervously smiled back. “Yeah, I live across the road. My Mum saw yours this morning and dragged me over to say hello.”

The word dragged went straight through me like a dagger. He didn’t want to be here, he was forced to come over. As soon as his Mum was gone he wouldn’t say another word to me.

“Don’t look so worried, I don’t bite you know.” Phil’s voice pulled me back into reality and I shook my head slightly.

“If you don’t want to be here you can go if you want.” I sighed.

Phil laughed. “I’m sorry if I don’t come across as the welcoming type. I get nervous when I meet new people but you don’t look as if you’re going to mug me the minute I leave so it’s cool.”

Wait, was he being serious? I studied his facial expression and came to the conclusion that he was definitely serious. This came as a shock to me as nobody ever wanted to talk to me in Cardiff. I was the outcast, the one who never fit in, the weirdo.

I laughed to break the silence and pointed towards my games console. “Do you play?”

“Of course! Let me see what games you have, hm.” He carefully placed each case on top of one another when he’d had a look at the game title and eventually settled on Sonic.

“You like Sonic too?” Phil looked back towards me.

“Yeah, the game’s pretty cool actually.”

“Me too! Okay, we’re playing this.” Phil threw one of the controllers at me and I patted the space next to me on the bed.

 

We played on Sonic for a few hours until Phil gave in.

“I give up!” He threw his arms in the air. “I just can’t get past this level!”

“How can you not get past the level, it’s so easy! Look I’ll do it for you-” I went to grab the controller from his hands.

“No! I want to do it!” He snatched it away just as I was about to make contact with it.

“But we’ll be stuck here for days if you can’t get past, let me do it!” I laughed. I really wanted to show him how to do it but I discovered he was stubborn. If he wanted to do it there was no persuading him.

“I’ll kick you off the bed if you don’t pass me the controller!” I pretended to be serious.

“You wouldn’t do tha-” I aimed my feet for his hip and using all the energy I had, pushed him off the bed onto the floor. I went over to where he was just sitting and peered down at him.

“I totally wouldn’t do that now, would I?” I smiled and raised my eyebrows at him.

“I hate you.” He laughed.

There was a few seconds silence as he got up off the floor and just after those seconds had passed, Phil’s Mum called up telling him that she was going.

Phil looked over with a partially sad face. “That was fun, we should definitely do this again sometime.” He smiled.

“Sure. Next time my room should hopefully be all set up without any boxes in sight.” I followed Phil to the door and just before we head downstairs he handed me a piece of paper.

I unfolded it to see a number scrawled down on it. “That’s my number for when you wanna hang out next.”

“Thanks.” I looked back up at him and I swear time just stood still. I’d never taken in how pretty his eyes were. Light blue, they reminded me of when my Mum used to take me to the park in the summer. I’d look up and there were no clouds about and all you could see for miles was bright blue sky.

Phil coughed and turned to walk downstairs. I grabbed his wrist instinctively.

“Thanks for today, it beat my average day of just lounging around on the internet.”

“It’s alright, I enjoyed the company actually.” He smiled once again and headed downstairs, put his shoes on, waved up to me and then followed his Mum out the door. I closed my bedroom door behind me and smiled.

For the first time in years, I actually felt a slight bit of happiness.


	2. Chapter 2

I walked over to the window and watched Phil as he left my house and crossed the road to his. Just before he shut the door he caught sight of me at my window and waved. I waved back and looked down to my left hand that was still clutching the piece of paper as if it were my only lifeline. I would definitely be hanging around with him again. When we were playing Sonic I forgot about everything that haunted me day in, day out. It was almost like someone from above had sent me a ray of happiness in the form of a human being.

 

_No Daniel, stop. You’re getting way ahead of yourself. You’re being too positive for your own good. You’re overthinking things, Phil isn’t a ray of light, he’s just a guy who lives across the street who had to be dragged over. He didn’t come over on his own accord._

I put my hands over my ears and shook my head. Distraction, I needed a distraction. My stomach growled and I took the hint. I half ran down the stairs and was welcomed with the familiar smell of bacon. Yum. As soon as Mum noticed me she passed me two plates to set down on the dinner table. They each had two rashers of bacon, a cooked egg, a small portion of beans and a grilled tomato. She then passed me a plate of sliced bread to place on the middle of the table. I sat down and began to eat. It wasn’t long before Mum joined.

“Phil seems nice.”

“Yeah, he is.” I nodded.

“I was talking to his Mum about the new shopping centre…” This was my cue to zone out. Mum, I don’t want to talk about shopping or fashion. Sometimes I wish my sister still lived at home so that I didn’t get all the chitchat about the latest gossip. And then I heard the five words that should never be said in the same sentence.

Mum, Phil’s Mum, Phil, me, shopping.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind going shopping but with my Mum? I’d rather not. She always embarrasses me without fail.

“I don’t want to go-”

“I’ll give you some money and you and Phil can go shopping yourselves.”

“Um... okay.”

I did need some new clothes and on a brighter note I’d get to spend more time getting to know Phil.

“We’re not going until Saturday morning though.”

I nodded, zoning out into my own world again. I cleared the table of dirty plates into the dishwasher then headed back upstairs to my room. I walked over to my desk and saw the familiar looking piece of paper. I pulled my iPhone out of my pocket and began to type a message out.

_“Hey, it’s Dan. I really enjoyed today. It’s nice to have some company actually.”_

Does that sound too cheesy or too forward? Whatever, I’ve pressed send now so it’s too late to change anything. I sat down on my bed and the next few minutes seemed to go on forever. My phone buzzed.

_“Hey :) I really enjoyed today too. What are you doing tomorrow? I thought maybe you could hang out at my place since I’ve been round yours.”_

_“Nothing really. That’d be cool. See you tomorrow.”_

I threw the top half of my body backwards and stared up at the ceiling. Maybe things would start to get better now.

 

 

I woke up the next morning to my phone buzzing.

_3 new messages._

I put my passcode in and checked them. It was from an unknown number.

_“We know your darkest secret. Just wait until everyone finds out.”_

_“Not that you’re here to defend your pathetic self.”_

_“Everyone cheered when you left. Did you know that? Noone cares about you Daniel. Noone.”_

The last line of the 3rd text message circled my brain causing the voices to pipe up.

_Noone cares about you Daniel. Noone. They don’t care. I bet Phil doesn’t care either. You’re a waste of time. Waste of a life. A waste to society. Who would like a guy like you? All messed up in the head, clutching on to the past, not being able to let go? Who? Face it, you’re worthless._

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I threw my phone across the room, not caring where it went, and wiped the tear away. I sat up and checked the clock. 10:30am.

I grabbed my towel, my skinny jeans, a fresh t-shirt, fresh underwear and proceeded to have a shower. I took a while in the shower; I needed it to clear my head and to filter the voices out. By the time I got out it was almost 11am.

I went downstairs, poured myself a bowl of cereal and looked out the front window noticing Mum’s car wasn’t there. She’s probably gone to the supermarket or something.

Once I’d finished my cereal and washed the pots I headed back upstairs to collect my phone and my jacket. I didn’t bother checking my phone, I just wanted to go to Phil’s and forget everything.

 

\--

 

 

****** Phil’s POV ******

I was sat in my room debating what t-shirt to wear when I heard a faint knock at the door. Screw it, I’ll wear my Muse t-shirt. I slung it over my head and quickly ran down the stairs to the door. Hopefully it’ll be the postman and hopefully he’ll have the new Zelda game I ordered last Friday. The door doesn’t have a glass window in it so for all I know it could be anyone but the postman. I unlocked the door and opened it slightly to confirm who was on the other side.

Dan.

I smiled at him and opened the door fully. “Come on in, do you want something to drink?”

He smiled back, walked inside and nodded. “Sure.”

“What would you like?” I opened the fridge. “We have juice, fizzy pop or a hot drink.”

“Juice is fine by me.”

I got two glasses out of the cupboard and poured us both a glass of Vimto. I lead Dan upstairs with the glasses to my bedroom. I placed them down on the bedside table and turned to face Dan.

“Sorry if it’s a bit messy, I haven’t had chance to tidy up.”

“It’s fine, mine is just as messy.” Dan laughed a little and hung his jacket up on the back of my door. I turned the Wii on and threw a guitar at Dan.

“Have you ever played Guitar Hero before?”

“I’ve heard of it but I’ve never played on it before. Is it good?”

“It’s amazing!” I grabbed the other guitar and slung myself on one side of the bed. Dan sat down on the other side and crossed his legs.

“I’m going to have to turn this upside down I think.” He sighed. “Why does the world discriminate against us left handed people?”

“Maybe it’s because you’re special.” I laughed and received a shove.

We began to play and surprisingly, for a left handed Guitar Hero virgin, Dan was pretty good. He won the first round then I beat him the second which he wasn’t so joyful about. The third round was a close call but I managed to thrash Dan at it.

Dan threw the guitar down in a playful yet sulky way.

“Now, now. There’s no need to be a sore loser!” I joked.

Dan’s mouth turned into an ‘O’ shape and he climbed on top of my legs.

“You are so going to pay for that!” He giggled and attempted to tickle my sides.

I tried to use my hands to grab his but he was too quick and kept managing to tickle me. I squirmed underneath him; I hated being tickled but I couldn’t get out of this one easily considering Dan was literally sitting on my legs. For the split second that he was off guard I’d managed to clasp his hands with my own, stopping him from tickling me further. I looked up at him, smirked and raised my eyebrows.

I felt the tension build up as we continued to stare into each other’s eyes.

And that’s when he pressed his lips against mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for reading this story! :}  
> If you have any comments, that would be lovely <3
> 
> I wasn't sure whether to post this fic here because my last work was from another fandom but I've decided I will upload to here ^_^  
> You'll get two chapters in a row because I'd forgotten to upload chapters 2 and 3, silly me!  
> Chapter 4 is on the way, it's been in the works for a while due to school revision but I'll make myself work on it tonight!  
> Enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is Chapter 3 as well!
> 
> Please don't kill me :(
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: TRIGGER WARNING.

I instinctively wrapped my arms around Dan’s neck signalling him to carry on. I flipped us over as the kiss deepened and Dan placed his hands on either side of my cheeks. Everything felt so wrong but so right at the same time.

 

****** Dan’s POV ******

I broke away and looked down at Phil. That’s when the thoughts came shouting and screaming at me.

_What are you doing? As if Phil would ever date a guy like you._

_He’s probably just playing along for the sympathy vote._

_You’ve only known him for a day. You’re worthless._

_You wreck everything. Everyone would be better off without you._

_Kill yourself; you’d solve everyone’s problems._

“I…I need to go…” I stuttered.

Before Phil could even say anything I ran out of his room, down the stairs grabbing my shoes along the way and ran out of his house across the road to mine.

I slammed the door behind me and took a few seconds to get my breath back. What do I do? My demons are chasing me and I can’t outrun them. The only thing that would keep them quiet for a while…

No, Daniel, stop. You know that won’t solve anything.

It was almost like I was the bystander of the argument between the good and bad side of my conscience.

I needed to release everything. Everything was overwhelming and it felt like someone was pushing me to the edge. I wanted the voices to stop. I can’t let them drive me crazy and cause me to have a meltdown like last time.

Before I knew what I was doing, I’d made my way over to the knife pot in the kitchen. I needed this. I deserved it.

The stinging sensation rippled through my body and I breathed out heavily. I looked down at the criss-crossing patterns of blood emerging through the opening of each cut. It felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

I heard the door close and quickly shifted my eyes to the window. Mum’s car wasn’t on the drive so it wasn’t her.

Shit.

No, he can’t see me like this. No, no, no.

“Dan?” His voice was filled with concern.

Why didn’t I lock the door? What a fucking idiot.

I placed the knife down in the sink and backed myself into the corner of the kitchen unit slowly dropping to the floor, hoping that Phil wouldn’t check the kitchen.

I heard his footsteps get closer and I squeezed my eyes shut. This wasn’t happening.

“Dan, I know you’re here.”

My whole body was trembling. There was nothing I could do. I wanted a black hole to swallow me up right now.

I watched as his face appeared from round the corner unit and dropped down to where I was hiding. His facial expression went from a progressing smile of relief rapidly to a very concerned one.

He rummaged around the cupboards eventually stumbling upon the First Aid kit.

“Phil…I…” My voice was weak and shaky.

Phil put his finger to my lips and concentrated on cleaning and bandaging my cuts. After he’d done that, he cleaned everything so there was no sign of blood around. Without saying anything, he scooped me off the floor and carried me upstairs to my room. He placed me down on the bed, sat down beside me and held me in a tight embrace, being careful not to make contact with my wounds. We sat there for a while and it made me feel a lot better than before. Phil cares. He really does.

“I’m not going to force you to tell me what caused you to do this to yourself but just know that you can talk to me about anything. I won’t ever judge you, I promise.” He pressed his lips to my forehead.

I was lost for words. I didn’t know what to say and if I did, I wouldn’t want to ruin the peaceful silence. It wasn’t awkward at all.

We lay back onto the bed and Phil cradled me in his arms, holding me like he never wanted to let me go. Truth be told, I felt safe in his arms.

I let my emotions go and laid there sobbing into Phil’s chest. He didn’t ask any questions, he just let me cry until I had nothing left inside. I took his hand in mine and closed my eyes.

Maybe tonight I would get a full night’s sleep without any nightmares.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I wanted to clear up the title name of this fic incase there was anyone wondering why I’d named it ‘Concrete Angel’. I named it after the song by Gareth Emery ft Christina Novell. The song and the lyrics are relevant to me and that’s why I created this fic, to pour my own emotions out into. If you’ve not heard the song before, just listen to it once or look up the lyrics and it’ll maybe give you some insight to this story or how the characters feel.
> 
> Also be prepared, there’s a lot of emotion in this chapter.

I woke up in Phil’s arms, my head against his chest, hands still entwined.

“How’re you feeling?” Phil yawned.

“A little better than yesterday, I think. I’m sorry you had to see me like that.” I sighed.

“Do you want to talk about it? Maybe it’ll help, though I’m not a qualified therapist so I wouldn’t take my advice.” He smiled.

His smile was the best smile I’d ever seen, it caused butterflies that I hadn’t felt in a very long time.

“I don’t really know how.” I thought back to yesterday, everything was fine up until I took it upon myself to kiss Phil.

Why did I do it? I don’t know. I guess you could say it was an impulse that I instantly acted on without even thinking about it. I liked Phil, of course I did. He was such a sweet, caring person that would never hurt a fly. But how do you tell if you’ve really got feelings for someone or if it’s just something that will fade away after a short amount of time? How do you trust someone with that deep amount of emotion that you’ve known for a few days? How do you trust anyone, knowing that so much pain could rush through your vulnerability?

The silence dragged on and after it seemed like I wasn’t going to say anything after all, Phil looked at me with an understanding look. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anything until you’re ready.”

I nodded. “I…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You’ve got nothing to apologise for.”

 

\--

It had been just over a week since then and I was still lost in my own thoughts. The shopping trip helped a tiny bit but the energy was fading from me, any interests that I had were disappearing too.  I was starting to become distant from my Mum and Phil as well, and I didn’t like it. To some extent I couldn’t control it. I’d lie on my bed in my room and stare at the ceiling for hours on end, not bothering to check my phone or respond to Mum calling my name. Even Phil couldn’t breakthrough this concrete wall as much as he was trying.

 

 

******Phil’s POV******

Everything involving Dan had turned for the worst. He’d put up a guard, and a strong one at that. I felt like I was the cause of what was happening to him; for ever stepping foot into his life, for inviting him over that lead to the kiss, but I couldn’t afford to think like that. I needed to break through Dan’s guard and take him away from the darkness inside before it was too late.

 

I’d once been in the place Dan was now, believe it or not. I hated everyone and everything. I wanted nothing to do with life; I didn’t want to be alive. I blamed myself for everything that went wrong and I spiralled out of control. I was living in a paradox, obsessed with being surrounded by this sense of safety in the darkness but realising how sadistic and alone I was when a bit of reality seeped in. I became lost in my own mind, lost in my own demons and it was extremely hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn’t think I’d ever make it out because each time I tried to climb out of the darkness, I was the one that pushed myself back in again. One day, I don’t know how, I managed to fully climb up to the top and defeat the demon version of myself waiting there. It was a struggle that lasted for months but I made it. I fought off my demons. I didn’t want what happened to me to happen to Dan. I didn’t want him to suffer for years in misery slowly getting sucked in by the darkness. I know he has the strength to pull himself out and I will be there every step of the way, no matter how much he tries to push me away.

 

I will be there because noone was there to help me.


	5. Chapter 5

I visited Dan’s every day to see how he was doing, but there was nothing new. If his Mum called, he barely ever replied. He’d stopped eating too. I would go upstairs, try and get a conversation out of him, persuade him to eat something but he didn’t seem to even notice that I was there. I had to hold back my tears because it was really tragic to see a once joyful person crumble beneath my eyes and there was barely anything I could do about it. When I went through something similar, in the end I realised that only I could save myself and Dan needed to realise that before any hope was gone completely.

“Dan, if you carry on like this you’ll end up in hospital and I know you don’t like hospitals.”

After a few seconds, Dan turned to look at me but nothing was ever said.

“I know you can hear me. Look,” I walked over to him and placed my hand on his, “please don’t shut yourself off. Whatever is going through your head, I know you can get through it. I know you can.” I kissed his forehead, left the room and went downstairs.

“Did you manage to get anything out of him?” Dan’s Mum sighed.

“He looked at me but he never said anything.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I wish he’d go back to being his usual self.” She let out a sob escape and that’s when her guard failed her, letting her emotions flow out. It sort of pained me to see her crying, I’d never seen any parent cry before, not like this. It triggered an underlying spurt of anger and before I knew it I was running up the stairs to Dan’s room.

“Dan if you don’t get yourself out of this bed right now I will drag you out myself.” My tone was harsher than I expected.

It took a few seconds but very slowly Dan began to move his body towards the side of the bed sheets. He hadn’t made any eye contact with me as of yet, he was still looking down at the ground whilst moving himself.

I walked over to Dan and helped him up, guiding him to the door.

“Dan, fucking listen. Your Mum is sobbing her heart out because she can’t figure out why you’re acting the way you are.” I watched as Dan listened out of the crack of the door. I was taken back a little bit by this, not expecting Dan to listen at all or register the words being said to him. I turned Dan to face me and sighed.

“I know what you’re feeling. Maybe not exactly the same but very similar. You know, I was once in this state too.”

Dan looked up towards me for the first time in a long while, there was a still a sombre look about him but at least words were registering. How well they were was unknown. It made me happier that he’d let down his guard a slight bit.

“I don’t want what happened to me to happen to you. It almost killed me and I couldn’t bear to live without you, Daniel Howell. I don’t care how messed up you think you are, you will always be perfect to me. I know it’s hard to think right now but if I made it through I know you can.”

“But...what about the urges?” Dan’s voice was shaky. A gasp escaped me. I’d missed his voice so much.

I thought about what I was going to do. Was I ready to expose my darkest secret? If it helped Dan understand and give him a glimpse of hope, it was worth it.

I pulled both of my sleeves up to reveal scars crossing over another on each forearm. “I understand Dan, I do.”

However, his response was not one I was expecting. “Only attention seekers do that. You don’t really care about me Phil, nobody does. Not even _me_.” The tone in his voice was spiteful, the darkness had returned to his eyes and his stare was stone cold. The sparkle that was there just a few seconds ago was gone.

 _Attention seekers_. He did not just say that.

“WAKE UP DAN AND LISTEN TO WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!” My hand swung back, formed a fist and smashed into the side of Dan’s face knocking him to the floor. I ran out of the bedroom, down the stairs and out of the front door across to my house. I threw myself on my bed and put my hands to my head. That was not meant to happen. The desperation was really getting to me and I needed to find a way to calm it down, but how could I when the boy I love is falling apart right in front of me?

 

 

****** Dan’s POV *******

I got up off the floor, the left side of my face aching a lot. Did Phil really just punch me? What did I say? The last thing I remember is him telling me that he couldn’t live without me and I asked him about the self-harming urges, the next I’m on the floor in pain. I dragged myself back over to my bed and under the covers once again. My eyes began to shut. I’ll ask him about it tomorrow.

 

Every day seemed silent besides my Mum visiting my room. Her sobbing had made me feel so guilty but I still felt more alone than ever. There was no presence in my room either, which I was getting used to. Phil hadn’t been round in a week and I didn’t know why. Did I push him away? Has he done something to himself? That’s when it all came flashing back to me. Shit. Phil had shown me his scars and even though I still couldn’t remember what I’d said, it must have been something horrible for him to lash out at me. Phil can’t hurt himself over me, I can’t let that happen. I jumped out of bed, trying to ignore the woozy feeling that had just hit me suddenly. I tried to take it slowly down the stairs but ended up running down the last half straight into the living room. Mum turned around and looked completely baffled by what she’d just witnessed.

“Dan? I..”

“Mum I’ve made a huge mistake. I said something horrible to Phil and I didn’t realise and…” I was running out of breath fast, tears beginning to form at the corners of my eyes.

“I wondered why Phil hadn’t come round for a while. Maybe you should go talk to him? How about having something to eat first though?”

“No,” I shook my head, “I need to make sure he’s okay now.” I walked out of the room shaking my head and slipped my feet into my shoes. I jogged over to Phil’s house and banged on the front door. No answer.

“PHIL?” I shouted, banging on the door a bit more. I took my phone out of my pocket and called Phil’s phone. Also no answer. Panic started to settle in and I tried to think what to do.

Spare house key! I didn’t know if Phil had got one covered up somewhere but it was worth a try. There wasn’t anything under the door mat or near the surrounding bricks that were lying around. My last chance was the plant pot. I dug my hand in searching for a key and heard something clink. Bingo. I pulled the key out of the pot and unlocked the door.

“Phil?!” Still no answer.

I searched through every room downstairs and found nothing. Phil, where the fuck are you? I ran upstairs and checked the bathroom, nothing. Spare bedroom, nothing. Phil’s bedroom door was the last I came across and it was closed. I gulped and prepared myself for the worst. I went to put my hand on the door handle and hesitated. Was I ready for whatever was about to be discovered? Before I knew it, the door handle went down by itself and I looked up to see Phil in just a towel wrapped around his lower half.

My emotions went into overload and I pushed him up against the wall, crushing my lips against his. I pulled his body as close as I could to mine and wrapped my hands around his neck and lower back. I poured as much emotion as I could into the kiss. Phil eventually responded and I took us over to his bed without breaking contact. I deepened the kiss as Phil gave me permission to enter. Our tongues collided and explored each other’s mouth, the feeling was sensational and I couldn’t get enough of it. Phil flipped us over so he was on top but broke the kiss.

“I..” I pressed my fingers to his lips and opened my own.

“I love you Phil Lester. I love you so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I haven't updated this fic on here for ages. To be honest I haven't been working on this since last year, I've been so caught up with work and my own personal life. I came to the realisation that I should start writing again considering it really helped me before and I'm in need of the same help once again. Enjoy and hopefully I'll be writing more frequently for you guys.
> 
> Also please leave comments, it's actually because I received some recently that I decided to start working on this fic again so don't think I don't read them because I do and they really motivate me. xo


	6. Chapter 6

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to say the same thing to you. Daniel Howell, I love you." Phil pecked my lips once more and sat up slightly. "I'm gonna quickly nip in the shower and then I'm making you some dinner."

"But…" Phil pressed a finger to my lips.

"No buts. You're not eating and I know it so don't try and fool me. I want to help you and that's exactly what I'm going to do."

I pouted. "I'm not hungry."

Phil got up off the bed and shot me a stern look. "You're going to eat whether you're hungry or not. You may be able to get away with it at home but not here. I'm not a pushover Dan, so don't try." He kissed my forehead and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

I understood that he was trying to help but I didn't think he'd be so forceful about it. Though it was better than being in a hospital with a drip attached to my arm or in a treatment centre. I hated hospitals.

Although I'd somehow managed to snap myself out of a trance that felt almost impossible to get out of, I still couldn't suppress the voices as much as I tried.

_Kill yourself._

_Phil deserves better than you._

I got my phone out of my pocket in an attempt to distract my conscience, however I'd completely forgotten about the last time I used my phone.

" _We know your darkest secret. Just wait until everyone finds out."_

" _Not that you're here to defend your pathetic self."_

" _Everyone cheered when you left. Did you know that? Noone cares about you Daniel. Noone."_

I stared at the multiple texts for a while in a slight daze. I locked my screen and chucked my phone on Phil's desk. Phil loves me and that's all I need right now.

I had hoped for a peaceful night's sleep as the past few weeks had been restless, but this wasn't the case. I was back in my home town and for as long as I was there, nothing would ever be peaceful. I'd just finished school, hoping that no one would bother me on the walk back to my home. As I kept on walking I sensed people behind me but I didn't turn around to see who it was, or rather, I didn't have time to because before I knew it I was running, running from whoever was chasing me. I stopped and turned around to find that nobody was there. Was I going crazy? The presence of someone else was still here and then out of nowhere, a group of people appeared. I walked backwards only to find out I'd cornered myself. Clever move, Dan. My pursuers had demonic smiles spread right across their faces and I instantly knew this wasn't going to end well. My defence was pretty shit too; they were bigger than me, I was certainly no match for them. One of the masked people came closer and shoved me against the wall, their mouth only inches away from mine.

"Your time has come to pay." He cackled. "You were never going to get away from this one." He whipped out a baseball bat and smashed it against the side of my legs. They gave way and with the support of the wall, I fell to the ground. The others surrounded me and began their beatings alongside the masked guy. My emotions were numb but I felt the wrath of every single blow. This wasn't the first time I'd been caught out on the way home; in fact I'd lost count. However this was different to the previous times as not long into the routine, they stopped. For a minute I asked myself if some guardian angel from above was looking down on me but I refused to believe so. A shadowed figure slowly made its way into my view and I froze in horror.

The figure resembled Phil but in a much darker way. His eyes were stone cold, his face tense and his features prominent. His dark, jet black hair matched his clothing also.

His smile was pure evil as he got closer to me and looked into my eyes. He could see the fear without a doubt. The people beside him closed in and one of them whispered in his ear.

"Oh yes. Of course." He breathed in deeply, millimetres away from my skin, taking in my scent. "You smell so wonderful, definitely for the occasion."

I couldn't speak. The words I wanted to say were lost. My tongue was tied.

"How could you even be out on the streets knowing what day it is? Hm?" Phil's left eyebrow rose.

"I….uh…."

"Save it. I don't want to hear your excuses."

That's when I felt the cold, metal object against my throat, digging in slightly.

"I want you to scream for me, Daniel. I want to hear the desperation in your voice." He whispered in my ear.

"No…please…I" I whimpered. This wasn't happening, I had to be dreaming, I had to be.

He dug the knife in ever so slowly at the edge of my neck.

"AGH PHIL… STOP, PLEASE!"

He wiped away the trickles of blood seeping through the wound with his thumb and dragged the weapon across just a few more inches.

"We'd get you eventually Dan. There was no denying it. You'd never be able to hide from us. Considering your payment is still overdue, we're going to take this nice and slow."

Truth be told, he was right. How could I think I'd ever be able to hide ever from their demands? There was no way I'd ever be able to get out of this because ultimately, the payment was my death.


	7. Chapter 7

*****Phil's POV*****

 

I was still in shock at what had just happened. Dan had managed to snap out of some trance and although I had no idea how, I was grateful. Truth be told, I really had missed him. I wanted to go visit him every day and each second of every minute I'd be questioning myself as to whether I was doing the right thing or not. I didn't know if giving Dan some space would work; it could have gone either way and somehow I had convinced myself to take that risk. But it paid off. He's in my house, lying on my bed. He's alive, he's speaking and his emotions that he attempted to numb have come back. To what extent, I don't know but it's a start at least.

I got out of the shower and walked back into my room to find Dan was flat out on my bed. He looked so cute with his chest slowly rising and falling. I noticed Dan's phone on my desk and my curiosity took over. It wouldn't hurt to look, would it? What if there was something on his phone that could possibly help explain his meltdown? Before I even had a chance to stop myself, I was over at my desk with his phone in my hand. I slid the arrow button across, half of me hoping that there would be a code and the other half hoping that there wasn't, and it unlocked. What came up on the screen made me gasp and a thousand thoughts went straight through my mind. Is this what pushed Dan to extremes? Who are the messages from? Why hasn't Dan told me about them? And the million dollar question: why? I locked the phone and placed it back down on my desk, maybe it would be best to talk to Dan about it later. I sat down on the bed next to Dan and stroked his forehead.

"You, Daniel James Howell, are the most amazing person I know. You don't deserve to get this hate. You're a wonderful human being and no matter how many flaws you think you have, I still think you're perfect." I kissed his forehead and lay down. I stared up at the ceiling. If there was any way that I could take away his pain, I would do it. It hurt seeing Dan suffering.

From out of nowhere, Dan started shaking and muttering words.

"No.. please… I… PHIL, STOP PLEASE…"

I pulled on Dan's body, turning him my way and began to shake him. "Dan, baby it's me. It's Phil. Wake up, I'm here. You're safe. Dan, wake up!"

Tears streamed down his cheeks as he slowly opened his eyes. "I…I….Phil…" his voice faded out.

I pulled him into my chest and rocked him gently. "Shhh, it's okay. I'm here." I kissed the top of his head. It took a good 5 minutes or so for Dan's whimpers to stop.

 

Dan eventually untangled his arms from my waist slightly and looked up at me. "I'm sorry, Phil…" he sniffed, "I… I don't know." He sighed and rested his head back against my chest.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about, okay?" I brushed back the sweat ridden locks aside and kissed his forehead. "I'm always going to be here. I won't leave you, I promise."

He nodded and looked up into my eyes for a few seconds. His eyes made my insides melt like hot rays of sunshine blazing down on a chocolate bar, making it all gooey. I'd never felt this way about anyone in my entire life, there was no one that could make me feel so secure the way Dan did. The reassuring comfort, the safety, the compassion – no one but Dan. I tightened my grip on him ever so slightly so that I didn't squish his skinny frame, never wanting him to leave, not wanting to let him out of my sight. He's all I need and knowing that he's all mine makes life worthwhile.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

His voice was hoarse. "Hm?"

"The nightmare. You kept saying my name telling me to stop."

"I don't want to talk about it, not yet."

We were downstairs sitting at the breakfast bar, I'd made us both cereal but Dan had barely touched his. Half of the time I'd spent eating mine, he'd spent staring at it like it was his enemy, like he wanted it to disappear.

"I'm not going to force you to eat but I think it would do you some good. Even if this is the only thing you have today."

"I wish it was as easy to just pick up the spoon and eat it, Phil, but it's not. I keep trying to tell myself I can have this and I'll be okay but I still can't do it."

"Can I try?"

Dan raised his eyebrows at me. "Try what?"

"To help you."

"And how do you plan to do that?"

I smiled at him and took a spoonful of cereal. "Here comes the aeroplane, zoom zoom!" I guided the spoon in different directions before lowering it towards Dan's mouth. "Open wide!" He laughed, a genuine laugh, and opened his mouth. I missed that laugh so much. However I could tell by the disgusted look on his face as the food entered his mouth that he really hated the idea of consuming anything at all. After he'd swallowed the mouthful, I pressed my lips softly against his. "If you finish this, I'll make it up to you."

"I'll try, for you."

As soon as the silence hit, my conscience attacked. I had to tell Dan about seeing the messages - the longer I was to leave it, the more the guilt would eat away at me. I just didn't know when would be a good time considering Dan was slowly but surely progressing back to his normal self. I knew it was going to take time, I never expected it to be an overnight miracle but the question that repeatedly ran through my mind was when? When would it be possible for me to tell Dan about seeing the messages? When would be the right time to tell him? And the more I thought about it, the more I was going to try and put it off.

I breathed in sharply and closed my eyes. I braced myself for this next moment, because the outcome was impossible to predict.

"Dan, can I ask you something?"

His eyes trailed up from the bowl of cereal to look right into mine. "Sure."

The words were stuck in my throat, I was trying to push them out of my mouth but it wasn't helping.

"I-I…"

Dan cocked his head in suspicion. "Phil?"

I took a deep breath. "IsawthemessagesbyaccidentandIknowitwaswrongbut-"

He abruptly interrupted my rambling. "What? You spoke way too fast for me to understand anything."

"Please don't be mad at me."

"Go on…"

"I saw the messages on your phone by accident, I didn't meant to but it just sort of happened and I know it was wrong but I-"

Dan slammed his spoon down on the table and got up off the seat. "Don't talk to me." He spun around and headed for the stairs.

"No Dan.. wait.." I jumped off my seat and grabbed his wrist. I tried to grip it and pull him back but he yanked it out of my hand and ran as fast as he could up the stairs. I chased after him but just as I reached the room he'd gone into, he'd slammed it shut. I went to open the door with the handle but before I managed to get there, my weakness hit me and I crumbled to the floor, tears already spilling.


	8. Chapter 8

*****Dan's POV*****

My mind was torturing me over and over again. I wanted the voices to stop, the constant flashbacks to disappear and most of all, I wanted to be normal. But no, I ended up with a fucked up mentality and it was destroying my life. I hated Phil seeing me like this, knowing there's no way he can cure me and that somehow I have to face up to it myself.

I know I have a mental illness but people think it's something that you can easily get over, but you can't. You characterise it, give it a face, let it have its own sick and twisted personality but you struggle to fight it. It's a lot stronger than you, it's willing to destroy everything in its path to get to you and eventually it will kill you, if you let it. It's nothing like anything else; it's your own personal demon. Your own personal hell. It feels like you are living a nightmare and you can't escape it in your dreams because it's haunting you there too. It's everywhere you go, watching your every step, commenting on everything you do. It's your harshest critique. And worst of all? It's all inside your own head. People may think you're deluded, that you're crazy but you're not. Battling against your own demonic self is a tough battle and some lose, but miracles do happen. You can fight off your own demons but you have to be strong enough, you have to be willing to keep fighting even if it feels like you're the defeated one because when you are victorious against your demons, you are back in control. At that point you choose whether you wish to let your life be ruled by the illness or if you want to rise above it and fight for your freedom. It's not a battle that has a short span, it is something you will battle against for the rest of your life but each time you fight back, the illness gets weaker and weaker.

Phil's crying didn't stop for hours and it was slowly breaking my heart. This was all my fault, everything was. I brought misery into Phil's life whereas he could have been so much happier without me. I slowly dragged myself from my bed and over to the door, resting my palm on the handle. Phil never meant for anything bad to happen, I was the one who made the scenario a million times worse. It was most likely curiosity that got him and I don't blame him. Who wouldn't try and find out why their boyfriend was a complete and utter wreck? Why they were hurting, what was causing all the pain? If the roles were reversed I probably would have done the same thing. I opened the door and looked down to see Phil with his head in his hands. He tried to stifle the crying but it didn't work and he burst into more tears. I bent down and scooped him into my chest with as much strength as I could manage and laid us both down on my bed. He didn't say anything for a while, he just stayed cradled in my arms, head in my chest with his eyes closed.

I need to stop throwing everything I have away with this boy each time there's a hiccup between us because he's my entire life. Fight or flight you say? Ask me a few hours ago and I would tell you flight because the idea of facing up to my own fears scared me but now was the time to fight and not run away. Not when I could fight and know that the reward behind it was so worthwhile.

"Phil? Are you awake?" My voice was barely a whisper.

"Mm."

"I'm so sorry Phil."

I'm sorry for the way my life turned out.

He looked up at me, eyes still red raw. "It's okay, it's not your fault."

"It is Phil, without me you'd have a perfectly happy life. You wouldn't have to deal with my insecurities, my constant mood swings. I'm truly sorry and I'll try from now on to be a better person for you because you deserve only the best."

Phil shuddered as he breathed in deeply. "Without you, I wouldn't know what true love is. I don't care what anyone else says, I believe you're my soulmate. My one and only, and with that comes ups and downs like any normal relationship. I was never expecting it to be a smooth ride. You can't blame yourself if I've fallen in love with you, that's more my fault than anything and I should accept the consequences if they were to end badly but we're okay. This is just one of the bumps that we'll get over. You're the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you, insecurities and all."

"I love you so much, you're such a wonderful person and I'm proud to call you mine. We can get through this, a step at a time."

Phil leaned up and softly kissed me. "Together."

I smiled. "You know in all this time and considering we've been sharing these feelings, we've never actually asked the other person that question."

"True. Though I never felt like asking it because I felt like there wasn't any need to, especially not after you startled me when you burst in my house and knocked me well and truly back with that mini make out session."

I let out a small chuckle. "Fair point but I want to do this properly." I sat up with Phil still in my arms and looked longingly and lovingly into his deep blue eyes.

"Philip Michael Lester, will you do the honours of becoming my boyfriend?"

He giggled. "Yes, of course. How could I ever say no to someone like you?" He wrapped his arms around my neck and pecked me multiple times on the lips, smothering me with his affection. That's one thing I wouldn't care about drowning in.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, oh wow! It's been soooo long since I last updated and I apologise for that. I've had writer's block for a long time with the last chapter; I didn't know where to go with the storyline or what I was going to plan next but I've managed to think of something just recently. Also, I moved out of my parent's house a few months ago and I now have my own place which is really exciting :)
> 
> As always, comments mean the world to me so please comment away your thoughts/criticism if you have any.  
> Enjoy!

*****Phil’s POV*****  
After everything that Dan has been through over the past few weeks, I decided that he deserved a break from it all so I planned to take him on a road trip to the beach in Skegness. I was hoping that this would take his mind off of things, if only for a few hours.  
I’d informed Dan’s mum about it but Dan wasn’t aware as of yet. My plan was to surprise him and hope for the best.  
I quickly woke up, had a shower and got dressed. I messaged Dan whilst eating my cereal, hoping that he was awake.  
“Hey sleepyhead, are you awake?”  
It only took a few minutes to receive a reply.  
“Hey. Yeah, I’m awake. Will you be coming over today? :)”  
“Of course, baby. I do have plans for later on today though.”  
“Oh okay. That’s fine.”  
“I think you’ll like them though. If you’re not ready, get yourself sorted and I’ll be over soon. I love you, Dan :)”  
“Okay. I love you too, Phil.”  
It didn’t take me long to get everything packed and ready for today. My Mum is letting me borrow her car and drive to Skegness so we won’t have to use public transport. I don’t think that would be a brilliant idea for Dan right now.  
I ran over to Dan’s house and knocked on the door. I was met with a warm welcome from Dan’s mum.  
“Hey Phil,” she smiled, “Dan’s upstairs getting ready. Come on in.”  
“Thanks.” I smiled back and walked in. Dan’s mum closed the door behind us and walked off into the kitchen. I jogged upstairs and knocked on Dan’s door, hoping he was ready to go. I could hear Muse being blasted out from his stereo.  
“Come on in.” I heard Dan shout over the music.  
I opened the door and saw Dan packing a few things into his bag. He turned to face me with a smile on his face.  
“I missed you last night, Phil.”  
I could see the sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry baby but tonight I’ll stay with you, I promise.” His eyes glinted at my words.  
I walked over to Dan and wrapped my arms around him. We stood there for a few minutes holding each other and I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to hold Dan forever, cuddle him and make him feel safe and secure like nothing would be able to hurt him.  
“So, what do you want to do?” Dan asked.  
“We can do whatever you want to although it can’t be for long because I’ve got plans as I mentioned earlier.”  
“Okay. We could play some guitar hero if you want?”  
“Sure.” I smiled at Dan and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

 

 *****Dan’s POV*****  
It had been a couple of weeks since I’d asked Phil to be my boyfriend. He’d stayed over at mine almost every night bar a few and I couldn’t be more grateful. The nightmares had gradually begun to get better and I was able to get a full night’s sleep nearly every night. I still struggled on the nights Phil didn’t stay over but I’d cuddle up to the pillow on his side, remind myself of his familiar scent and that seemed to help.  
It’s hard to think that a couple of months ago, I was on the brink of life itself. I didn’t want to live nor did I think I had anything to live for. I was forever afraid that the truth would kill me and it very nearly did. If someone had told me that moving to Manchester would result in meeting my soulmate and that the truth would finally set me free, I would never have believed them. However moving to Manchester has changed my life and definitely for the better.

 

\--

I woke up this morning to a message from Phil.  
“Hey sleepyhead, are you awake?”  
I quickly messaged back. “Hey. Yeah, I’m awake. Will you be coming over today? :)”  
“Of course, baby. I do have plans for later on today though.”  
I sighed but tried not to let it bother me. It shouldn’t bother me but for once, I wanted Phil all to myself today.  
“Oh okay. That’s fine.”  
“I think you’ll like them though. If you’re not ready, get yourself sorted and I’ll be over soon. I love you, Dan :)”  
“Okay. I love you too, Phil.”  
It didn’t take me long to get ready. I jumped in the shower then blasted out some Muse whilst I got dressed and sorted out my hair.  
I began to pack a few things into my bag when I heard a faint knock on the door. I shouted for the person to come in. I turned around and my heart filled up with excitement as it always did whenever I saw even a glimpse of Phil.  
“I missed you last night, Phil.”  
“I’m sorry baby but tonight I’ll stay with you, I promise.”  
I smiled at his words. I get to cuddle Phil tonight instead of his pillow.  
Phil made his way over to me and wrapped his arms tight around me. I breathed in his scent and allowed us to stand there for a while. Phil’s hugs were honestly the best and they always make me feel a lot better if I’m in a bad mood. Those hugs also made my worries and thoughts disappear too.  
I loosened my arms, breaking the hug and asked Phil what he wanted to do.  
“We can do whatever you want to although it can’t be for long because I’ve got plans as I mentioned earlier.” Phil replied.  
“Okay.” An idea quickly came to my mind that we hadn’t done for a while. “We could play some guitar hero if you want?”  
“Sure.” Phil smiled and gave me a peck on the lips. It didn’t last for as long as I wanted it to.  
I threw Phil a guitar and loaded up the game. For the first two games, I thrashed Phil by quite a bit but then on the following three games he ended up beating me so I’m not too sure if it was my left hand skills that were letting me down or if Phil was genuinely letting me win on purpose. After Phil’s three wins, he paused the game and then paused my music too. It was silent except for my own heartbeat which was rising by the second. Silence was never good and this silence felt cold and deadly.  
“Dan, I want to talk to you.” Phil gulped.  
This wasn’t happening and my instant thought was what have I done? Was this the “it’s not you, it’s me” talk? It couldn’t be, I didn’t believe that.  
“Uh, okay.” My voice shook a little. “What do you want to talk about?”  
“Well, I’ve been thinking about something...” Phil looked into my eyes nervously.  
I nodded for him to continue and he took a deep breath. I could feel my eyes welling up a little. This was it; this was everything I hoped I’d never have to experience with Phil.  
He didn’t continue straight away and each second that passed felt like a dagger was piercing through my chest.  
“It’s not something major but I’ve planned for us to go on a road trip to the beach.”  
It took a few seconds for my brain to register his words before I breathed in a huge sigh of relief.  
“Oh my god, Phil. You scared me the hell out of me.” Phil looked a little confused.  
“I thought you were going to break up with me, Phil. Don’t you dare do that to me again.” A tear fell down my left cheek and I pulled Phil into a hug in hope that he hadn’t seen it already.  
He tightened his arms around me. “I’m so sorry, Dan. I would never do that. I love you.”  
“I love you too. Damn you.”  
“I will make it up to you. As soon as we get there, I’ll buy you some salted caramel ice cream, okay?”  
“Deal.” I kissed him on the lips then smiled. Salted caramel was my all-time favourite flavour of ice cream.

\--

I was excited to be going on a road trip. Back in Cardiff, I’d never been on a road trip with any of my friends. None of us could drive and my friends weren’t really interested in leaving Cardiff.  
Phil was driving down to Skegness in his Mum’s car and we currently had Fall Out Boy blasting out of the stereo.  
“I’d love to see these guys live one day. Their music is insanely good.” It was one of my goals to see Fall Out Boy live. They did visit Cardiff a few times but each time my father refused to let me see them. He argued that the venue was too far away and that I’d be wasting my money on a bunch of ‘untalented emos’. I never argued back or begged for my Mum to let me go instead because I knew I’d get a beating and she wasn’t exactly in a good position to go against my father’s word. His decision was final and that was that.  
“What?! How have you not been to see them yet? They’re amazing live.”  
I sighed. “My father never liked them. I could see it in his eyes. He tried to make up excuses to try and deter me but I knew the real reason was because he didn’t like them. He thought they were untalented wannabes and referred to them as ‘faggots’ a lot which is stupid but I couldn’t argue with his decision so I never got to see them.”  
“Wow, that’s ridiculous. Could your Mum not try and change his mind?”  
“No, definitely not. My father’s decision was final and neither of us could argue against it or we’d have to go without any dinner and endure my father’s beatings instead.”  
Phil gasped a little. “Oh gosh. I’m so sorry, Dan. Noone deserves that.”  
I wiped away the few tears that had escaped and sighed once more. “Of course they don’t. It’s not like I did anything wrong but back then I didn’t see it like that. After you’ve had endless beatings, you begin to think it’s entirely your fault and that you brought it upon yourself every single time.”  
“Is that the reason you moved away from Cardiff?”  
“Partially.” I paused for a moment. “I don’t want to think or talk about the past anymore though. Not today. Today is our little adventure and I don’t want my past to make this day into a bad one.”  
I smiled at Phil and squeezed his leg slightly.  
“Okay.” Phil smiled back.  
All of a sudden, there was a faint pop sound and I could see from the corner of my eye that Phil was struggling with the steering a bit.  
“Phil? What’s just happened?”  
“Uh, I’m not too sure…” He paused and then sighed as he realised what the problem could be. “I think we may have a flat tire.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do love my cliffhangers! I aim to not leave it another two years or so before I update again for sure. A new chapter will be on the horizon a lot quicker this time, I assure you!
> 
> Also, I'm writing a new story. It's not a fandom-based story but it's about a rising superstar called Eva Delaney who has quite a fierce personality but ends up face to face with a very big challenge in her life. If you're interested in having a read, be sure to keep an eye out on my works over the next few days as it won't be long before I upload the first chapter!
> 
> On top of this, I've also decided to create a Tommy and Brett spin off story from my other story "Farewell to the Fairground" if any of you are interested in this too. That'll be upcoming soon as well.
> 
> But overall, thanks for reading and I hope you have a lovely day :)


End file.
